


The Words I Wear

by susurrate



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-19 12:50:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22778059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/susurrate/pseuds/susurrate
Summary: Percy has worked hard to be the perfect son, but the truth is that Percy has always felt like a daughter.  Only Penelope offers unconditional support.This story is dedicated to Charlie9646: thank you for the prompt <3#LoveFest2020 #TeamEros
Relationships: Penelope Clearwater/Percy Weasley
Comments: 11
Kudos: 19
Collections: Love Fest 2020





	The Words I Wear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Charlie9646](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/gifts).



> A Quick Author's Note on Percy's Pronouns:  
> Since Percy has chosen to maintain a male persona for the outside world, male pronouns have been used in the narrative voice aka the representation of the outside world. In Percy's dream, female pronouns are used because that is the way she presents and wishes to be known within the dream. Penelope also uses female terms/names in regards to Percy when they are alone together.

_She was running barefoot through the long grass behind the Burrow, rushing toward home, but every step she took pulled the house further away from her. Her body ached as she pushed herself faster and faster, trying to make it to the front door, but the house would only remain stationary and welcoming when she gave up._

Percy woke with a jolt. He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut against the morning sun, wanting to hold onto the way he presented in his dream: an idealized feminine body…he felt disoriented and repulsed to open his eyes to the reality.

His earliest memories were when he was learning language and how indignant and confused he had been to hear others refer to him as “boy”, “son”, or other male pronouns. How could they possibly see him that way when it was so far from the truth? 

When he was seven, the five-year-old twins caught him wrapping one of his mother’s shawls reverently around his shoulders. They laughed themselves silly and called him Perverse-y. Hot-faced with shame and humiliation, Percy marched up to their mother to tell on them. 

“Percy,” she had said in a tone of voice he had never heard before, “Shawls like this one are for women or little girls.” 

He felt tears well up in his eyes and struggled not to let them fall. “I know.”

His mother drew him into a hug, rubbing soothing circles on his back. She whispered, “You can’t ever do this again.” She felt her gentlest child stiffen in shock and she held him tighter. “If you don’t want people to say mean things to you like your brothers did, then you can’t give them a reason.” She kissed his cheek. “It’s how you’ll stay safe, son.”

Ever since, Percy worked hard to learn all the rules and abide them. He would be the perfect son, he could adapt, he could make this work—

—but he never fit in with his athletic, boisterous brothers.

—but his heart broke to listen to his mother wish for a daughter.

—but he couldn’t recognize himself in any mirror.

Percy tried, he truly did…but almost every night, he would hold Scabbers to his heart and cry, fall asleep to dream of finally fitting his skin, only to wake and have it all taken away.

The sun was piercing through his curtains, and Percy sighed as he relented to the world. He got out of bed and opened his wardrobe. Quickly shucking off his pajamas, he grimaced at the double confrontation of his body and the male attire he had to select. He chose carefully pressed trousers, a blue button-up shirt, and a navy tie. Fred and George always made fun of him for wearing ties at home, but to Percy, the formal dress was something between costume and armor: it shouted “male”, and he needed it to shout to protect his secret.

Penelope was the only person to ever recognize him for who he was. In the early days of their courtship in Fifth Year, they liked to hide together in the prefect’s gender-neutral bathroom and talk for hours and hours. It was one of those times when they had been up talking all night that she said, “I’ll call you Pers when we’re in public, and everyone will think it’s short for Percy, but you and I will know it’s short for Persephone.” She taught him how to apply makeup, hair removal charms, and promised to stash some feminine clothes for him at her house. He didn’t dare keep anything in his room at home; he couldn’t trust anything sacred where the twins might find it.

A rapping at his window distracted him. He opened the glass for the owl and saw a bulky envelope strapped to its leg. Percy untied the letter and offered two treats to the bird, wishing he could spare more. The bird took off and Percy broke the Hogwarts seal.

He had been awarded Head Boy.

Head.

Boy.

He sat down hard on his bed. He had worked hard to achieve the best marks, and apparently he had been successful. This was a good thing. He stared at the small enamel pin attached to the bottom of the letter. 

He would be expected to brand himself as _Head Boy_ , boy boy boy _boy_ —

Suddenly he found it hard to breathe. “I can’t,” he wheezed, tears slipping past his cheeks. “I can’t…” He put a hand over his mouth, trying to squeeze the panic and the pain back inside of him, desperate to keep his brothers from hearing and barging in. 

He lunged forward and grabbed his wand from his desk. He apparated.

*

Penelope had been awake for hours when the visitor charm alerted her to a new guest in her bedroom. She smiled, knowing her family’s home shields would only allow direct apparition to her bedroom for one person besides herself. She hurried upstairs, self-consciously brushing fingers through her hair as she went, and opened the door beaming.

Percy looked up at her, his lip trembling and his face red. 

Penelope closed the door quietly and rushed to his side, her eyes wide in concern. “What happened?”

Percy limply held the pin out to her. “What am I supposed to do with this?” Percy asked, voice cracking and raw.

Penelope held his hand in both her own. “All this means is that you are one of two students who have accomplished the most in our entire year.”

“Penny…”

“It means all your hard work was recognized. It mean you’re the smartest in our class.”

“The smartest _boy_.” Percy shuddered. “I can’t wear this,” he whispered miserably. “Wearing a costume and letting people assume what they will so I can stay Safe is one thing. But taking the word, choosing to pin it to my chest…It becomes my proclamation. My word. And it’s _not_.”

“I know it’s not,” Penelope reassured him. He crumpled into her arms, and she held him for a long time, stroking his hair. “Maybe it’s time to reconsider what ‘safe’ means to you,” she suggested softly. “Maybe ‘safe’ means honouring yourself.”

“Safe means not losing my family,” Percy insisted, pulling away from her and slumping onto the bed with his face in his hands. “My brothers are all such manly-men. They’d never understand. And my mother begged me to not go down this path when I was a child.”

“‘Manly-men’, you say?” Penelope sat beside him and began counting off her fingers. “Bill has long hair, an earring, and diva-boots I would kill for. Charlie cries over baby dragons. Fred and George dream of opening a joke shop—which is neutral on the gender-scale, at best. And Ron screams like a mandrake at the hint of spiders.” 

Percy let his hands fall into his lap and smiled softly at her. 

“I know you’re afraid of their judgement,” Penelope said, taking his hand in hers. “And I know you’ve had to take a lot of crap from the twins, but they all love you.”

“I’m not ready,” Percy whispered.

“Okay,” Penelope said. She squeezed his hand. 

Percy held the little pin in his other hand. “If this weren’t gendered, I would be so happy to have it.”

“Can I see it?”

Percy handed it over to her. Penelope took the pin, and flipped it to see its back. She pulled out her wand from her hip holster and took careful aim. A few sparks flew at her non-verbal casting and with a preening smile she handed it back to him. Percy took the pin and read the back: _Head Girl._

“ _These_ are your words,” Penelope said. “The other words face out, they’re for the rest of the world. But these words are the ones close to your heart when you wear it.”

Percy felt the crushing weight on his chest ease. He gently kissed Penny and breathed a sigh of relief into her mouth. “I can’t tell you how much I cherish you.”

Penelope cupped his face in her hand. “I love you, Persephone.” She stroked his cheek for a moment, and then stood up. “Now, go home. Brag as loud as you can and make it your goal to use the phrase ‘Head Boy’ at least fifty times. See if you can break Fred and George.” Percy laughed and stood with her. Penelope wrapped her arms around his waist, and he draped his arms around her neck. She smiled adoringly and added, “And then come back here, where I can properly celebrate my amazingly smart girlfriend.”


End file.
